In Which the Author Tells a Story With a Backstory...

...in order to fully understand the awesomeness of my adventures this week, you have to go back in time a little bit.

Late last fall I was busy planning my Christmas vacation to Jordan, where I was meeting up with my cousin and her husband.  Part of the trip included an invite to a Muslim wedding, for which I didn't have anything to wear.  I spoke to (begged) my mother to choose, purchase and send me something to wear.

6-12 weeks later...  (I kid, I kid.  My family is awesome and always ponies up for the fast shipping since Canada Post sucks)

My package arrived, and when I opened it, I made this face:  O_o.

My mother had sent me some clothes, some random bits of Canadiana and a purple satin and black lace bustier top.  That's right, a purple and black bustier top.  I quizzed my mother and she admitted that it was for an occasion OTHER THAN The Muslim Wedding in Jordan (perhaps dancing for tips?). 

I didn't take it to Jordan.  I wore it to a friend's WHAT are you WEARING?!? party:

I also wore it to the Lady Gaga concert (which caused my neighbours in the elevator to idly wonder if I was "Russian", which means...purchaseable in Korea :S).  It was now time for it to be laundered.

I was scared of running it through the washing machine, so I wandered down to the local Lotte Mart (a large store with groceries, a photo shop, a pet grooming place, a food court and a dry cleaner).  The nice man rummaged through my pile of clothes without incident until he encountered The Muslim Wedding in Jordan outfit.  He pulled it up, held it at arms length, spun it around, turned it upside down, inside out and waved it in the air, attracting the attention of passers-by.

Then, he made this face:  O_o  ...

...and asked "ummm. Shirt?!?"

To which I answered "I guess so?!?" whilst blushing furiously.

So thanks, MOM.  Even the dry cleaning man knew it wasn't appropriate for a Muslim Wedding in Jordan.

In Which The Author Ponders Alternate Methods of Conflict Resolution...

So, there was an election here in Korea this week.  I don't pay a whole lot of attention to politics here (sorry about that, every poli sci teacher I ever had!), as I'm not (and never will be) eligible to vote here.  According to my students, this election was NOT for president--so maybe some sort of parliamentary election?  When I found out we got the day off work, I stopped asking follow up questions.

I assume there were campaign websites and probably tedious speeches, but the most entertaining part of the election process here is definitely the flashmob-style dance-offs.  Trucks drive around with people in the back, blasting political rhetoric over loudspeakers.  They periodically stop, disgorge all the people who immediately launch into a frantic, choreographed dance (presumably extolling the virtues of their candidate of choice through interpretive dance) for about two minutes and then leap back into the truck to repeat the process two or three blocks later.  SO ODD, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if we did this in North America.  Wouldn't it be AWESOME to watch Stephen Harper throw down on Parliament Hill?  Or Obama and The Republican Candidate To Be Chosen At A Later Date to have a walk/dance-off a la Zoolander?

At the decidedly more local level, I have had the in-person opportunity to watch my students resolve their differences through epic Rock Paper Scissors battles.  Students who are in the process of trying to KILL each other can be stopped in an instant with the declaration of "HEY!  Rock Paper Scissors!  NOW!".  They will immediately start throwing their hand-weapon of choice, repeating until a victor is chosen.  I can spend HOURS trying to reason with kids to no avail, but they instantly respect the power of the Rock Paper Scissors, and accept the result with an epic sort of fatality.  It's brilliant.  I'd love to tell my students about this: http://www.worldrps.com/ and maybe suggest participation in the World Rock Paper Scissors Championships, but I'm afraid that it might catch on in Korea and cause a rise in Rock Paper Scissors academies and additional hours of study for the kids...

In Which The Author is Very, Very Sorry...

...I know I've been terrible about blogging.  I constantly have all sorts of plans to blog that I never follow through on.  I have a stash of AWESOMEly terrible pictures, witticisms, bon mots and stories so funny, you didn't even have to be there.  And I have committed NONE of them to the proverbial e-paper.  Fifty lashes with a wet noodle for me.

If the paragraph above has gotten your hopes up, sorry about that.  Today is not going to be the day that I post in great depth about all of the awesome hilarity that has taken place since October.  HOWEVER, I will give you just the tiniest taste...

I was having a conversation today with one of my most favouritest people in the world, discussing one of my teeniest students.  He is itty bitty, has no teeth, wears a bow tie to school and is cute as a button.  He does not, in fact, know how to speak English.

I confirmed today that he knows the following (and ONLY the following) English words:
"I am here!"
"Pinishhhhheeee!"  (don't get me started)
"WOW!" and
"Oh, no!"

It was pointed out to me that while this does not form a complete (or even particularly useful) vocabulary, this particular student is now well equipped to navigate any situation that involves fireworks, natural disasters, and the very tricky question "Where are you?".

In Which The Author Teeches Inglishee Real Gud...

In between visits to the stickerbang, the noraebang, the DVD bang, and well, pretty much any bang I can find, I occasionally turn up for work and ummm...TEACH.  Or at least try to.

Without sounding too "Kids Say the Darndest Things" (if only because those Cosby-esque sweaters are SOOOO not flattering), I've had two rather noteworthy run-ins with my students recently.

I teach a class of 7 students--six super-loud, rowdy, raucous boys and one sweet, timid girl.  If I could only use one word to describe these boys, I think 'feral' might be it.  I've been working on the boys raising their hands and saying 'pardon' instead of 'huh??' when they want something.  On the day in question, the sweet, timid girl asked me a sweet, timid question without raising her hand while the boys were rioting.  This caused the boys to get super offended (rioting even louder).  One of the boys was nearly apoplectic, and searched for something on his cell phone dictionary, finally sputtering "TEACHER!!!  YOU DID THIS: _____!" and showing me his cell phone, which read "sexual discrimination".  I laughed long and I laughed hard.






A couple of days later, I was teaching another group of loud, obnoxious middle school boys.  They think it's really funny to be anywhere but in the classroom when I arrive, and again, I had to go and round them up.  I was in the process of storming out the door when one of the boys was pelting down the hall and nearly crashed into me.  I screamed, causing him to fall on the floor for no particular reason like one of those fainting goats (picture this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_3Utmj4RPU).  Throughout the class that followed, he gave me periodic stricken looks which made me snort and giggle every time.
 

In Which The Author Is So Vain...She Probably Thinks This Post is About Her...

Long time, no posts.  I know.  I'll try to make up for it with photos.

For as long as I've been able to, I've avoided being in photos.  Apparently, lots of people who don't like being in photos turn to taking them instead.  Not me; I'm the one hiding or holding purses in the corner.  Korea's been conspiring against me in this regard.

Exhibit A:
I needed to get some passport photos for the visa for my recent trip to China.  I trundled on down to Lotte Mart to get my photos after a loooooong day of work (keep this in mind when you see the evidence!) to get the photos done.  Once there, the photographer's assistant groomed me, positioned me and repeatedly shouted 'no smile!'.  'No smile!'.
Korea's all about 'service', which means you can get lots of free stuff from customer service reps.  I've had free food, free face masks and nail stuff from Face Shop etc.  I wasn't expecting 'service' from the photographer, but that's what I got:

In addition to being weird, it's terrible grammar.


When it comes to Exhibits B through D, the scene of the crime was once again the sticker bang.  Friends were finishing in Korea and we decided to head over for some silliness.  We skipped the special effects this time (no pink fish lips for me!), but wore a selection of silly hats.  Wooo!

For exhibits G through M, we delve into the creative minds of children.  On our last day of the semester, I asked my students to write me a note and draw a picture.

G:

This is me, and apparently what I say all the time.  Huh.

H:

This students loves me despite the fact that she has 'many bothered' me.  Sweet?

I:

This one concerns me a little.  Thoughts?

J:

I think we'll just call this one cute.

K:

This student loves me even though I apparently have a large bald spot.

L:

Ahhhh, here we go.  This student apparently pictures me as Shrek, with some ass-bad hair.  Note to self: a little more attention to detail may be necessary in the mornings before heading out to work.

M:

Now THIS is more like it!  This student both loves me, and pictures me in a cute anime fashion.  WIN!


That's all for now!  Back to avoiding all photographic evidence!

In which the author harbours an imposter, and realizes she may never understand boys...

So, as many people know, Friday was Canada Day.  Apparently whilst abroad, Canada Day becomes much like St Patrick's Day in which everyone is Irish.  On Canada Day, everyone is Canadian for the purposes of hanging out at the Canadian expat bar (and yes, it bore a remarkable resemblance to the Hoser Hut!).  The Canadians on our staff felt duty bound to try and help our Yankee cohorts blend in and avoid detection and subsequent outing as NOT being from the Great White North.  To that end, we had them practice saying pop, not soda and zed, not zee.  When that failed, we equipped them with alternate identities (meet my friend Amy, she's from Moose Jaw!), and disguises:

Unfortunately, when Amy asked some people if "Y'all" were also from Moose Jaw, and Sam identified herself as a "Canook!", their cover weas blown.  Fun times were nevertheless had by all...

On a different note, and to explain the most recent reason I may never understand boys (much less their grown-up male counterparts), I give you exhibit A (below).  My students are learning about captions (though I'm not sure why; it doesn't strike me as nearly as relevant as something of the other things they could be learning, but hey, who asked me?).  In the picture below, the caption was provided and the students had to draw a picture of what the like to do at recess.  After a brief discussion/definition of recess, one of my students drew the picture below.

Apparently, he likes to spy on girls in the bathroom during his recess.  The more things change??

In which the author apologizes...

...for my lack of attention to my blog.  I could try to come up with lots of excuses, but the short version is, I've been really busy.

This Asian Odyssey is different than my last.  I don't know if it's ME or KOREA, but things are different, and I'm having a pretty awesome time.  I'll leave the serious ruminations for another time, and share some pics and details about my more recent (and mostly SFW) adventures.

Some friends and I made a return trip to Penis Park.  While it was unfortunately raining when we got there, everyone cowboyed up without complaining, and switched gears to make WET penis jokes (of which there are a surprising number.  Who knew?).  The pics below show my friend Mary and I taking a ride, and our friend Amy after a successful Penis Safari.

We were also relieved to discover that the Penis Park now sells souvenirs, though I can't believe that they missed out on this $$$ opportunity for so long...below are Mary and Lauchlin with some superfun shot classes, and me with some...unique...salt and pepper shakers.  And yes, one of us bought the item in question.

When I first moved to Incheon, I wasn't really feeling the city.  It's pretty far from Seoul, the pollution is not great (see earlier posts in which I discovered I am in fact ALLERGIC to Korea)...did I mention that it is pretty far from Seoul?  In any case, I've been out and about with my friends more, and it turns out that Incheon can be pretty awesome.  The fab breakfast food I posted earlier is from a local-ish restaurant, and there are plenty of places to eat, shop and party.  One of the local expat bars hosts weekly trivia, which we regularly attend and have even won.  Once.  The same bar also hosted a scavenger hunt in which teams had to find places, take silly pictures and generally play silly buggers while finding our way around the city.  Good times were had by all; more pics are on Facebook, but below is our team completing the task "Make a Human Pyramid with a Korean".

My friends and I continued our adventures with a trip to Daegu to visit an old co-worker of mine.  SHOCKER, but more silliness abounded.  We went to an amusement park, had our faces painted (and then went out for the evening with them painted, and didn't even get a second look.  Korean fashion is STRANGEE, people, and I think we fit right in...).  On the second day, we three girls went shootin'.  With guns.  I was about as terrible as expected, my friends (also allegedly rookies, though one is Southern and the other is FIERCE) were kinda scary with the guns.  My friends shot skeet while I shot AT skeet.

I also work with a pretty great group of people, and we have as much fun as possible at work.  The picture below is from a reenactment of something that happened in one of my classes.  One of my students allegedly poked another student in the eye with his NOSE, and I called bullshit on it.  Apparently, it might ACTUALLY be possible...

Just for poops and giggles, the picture below is from an adventure in the stickerbang (a popular Korean past time amongst the pre-teen set...and krazy weygookin).  Heeee!:

Lest I start feeling too complacent, I have also been seeing signs in Korea.
1)  Don't stay here too long:

2)  Don't wear Crocs: